The Dirty Version Read online

  She sucked in a gasp when I didn’t respond. “No way. You never slept with the guy?”

  “Oh, come on, Anna. Why does everything come down to the boning?”

  “Because. That’s where the connection with someone can be solidified, you know?”

  No. I didn’t know. And that was most likely my fucked-up problem with Chris. The sex was decent at best, but in hindsight, I knew it had become a duty and not something I ever desired.

  “Jolie, you seriously never had sex with that guy?” Anna pressed.

  “It was high school,” I emphasized.

  “Okay, true. But the non-teenager Josh was a beautiful specimen of a male. If I didn’t have to get Emma, I would have stayed to make sure he got in your pants.”

  “I really want to see this guy,” Leslie giggled again. “He sounds delicious.”

  “You have no idea,” Anna assured her. And then she proceeded to describe Josh in a way I could have never imagined would be words to portray him.

  Because I was still blown away he’d changed so much. That was not my Josh back there. My Josh ten years ago was sweet and amiable; everyone liked him. He was a nice guy with good grades and a beautiful smile.

  “And the ink on this man.” Anna was practically drooling. “God, I’d like to use my tongue for closer inspection. Not covered in tats, but scattered just right on his upper arms. Mmm, I bet he has them on his chest, too…”

  I felt like I was in some alternate universe. The Josh Cameron from ten years ago was perfect. He was handsome and smart; he was respectful to everyone he came across. The one at the café was his dark alter ego, and I wanted nothing to do with him.

  I stopped Anna in mid-sentence—something about Josh’s muscular arms, but I was tuning her out. “I don’t know who that guy was yesterday,” I stated regrettably. “He was so far from anything I remember, I didn’t even recognize him at first.”

  Anna faced me with surprise. “What do you mean?”

  “That’s not the guy I used to date,” I sighed. “He’s changed. So much.”

  She grabbed a fork and took a bite of my cinnamon roll. After a brief deliberation, she replied, “Well okay, but everyone changes, Jo. I’m sure the tattoos are something new, right? That can make anyone look like a different person.”

  “The tattoos and his build, yeah. He’s definitely grown up physically. But his demeanor was just…all wrong. He seemed annoyed. And just rude. I know he didn’t say anything rude, but his attitude toward me said enough.”

  “The guy hadn’t seen you in ten years. Maybe he was just caught off-guard. He was a dick to you, but can you really judge his personality on one brief encounter? Maybe his dog just died or something. You never know.”

  She was probably right, but the truth was, I was shaken up by not only seeing Josh, but also by his reaction to me. Honestly, I guess I felt embarrassed by it.

  I tried to put it behind me as I immersed myself in work for the day. Patrick had followed through with his pledge of removing me from dinner shift for the current work week. My time in lunch detention did teach me a lesson, though. It wasn’t about the diminished tips, really, but more about the scene. I liked the busier night shift better. The crowd and more games on the big screens made the time go by faster, and I started to miss what I didn’t know I had.

  It was a humbling week, so to speak.

  ~

  “Ask him for dinner shift again,” my brother said while we strolled through the mall together. “It can’t hurt to ask.”

  “It hurts my pride.”

  Drew laughed when he picked up a bottle of perfume, gave it a sniff, recoiled, and put it back on the shelf. “Okay, so what are the rules here? I’m completely out of my league with this girl, Jo.”

  I scoffed, a bit of that defensive big sister role boiling inside. “Stop doing that, Drew. No one is out of your league. And if this Brianna girl is all you say she is, then she’ll like you for who you are.”

  My brother was a good-looking kid. He was also timid when it came to the opposite sex, and because of that, I often felt like girls took advantage of him. They all wanted the smart, handsome athlete but tried to change his sweet innocence.

  He’d been the one pressured into having sex in high school, and there would be no manipulative skanks using my brother ever again. I would do my best to make sure of it.

  “Start slow by inviting her out with a group of your friends. And forget about shit like this,” I added, taking a watch from his hand and setting it back on the counter. “No gift for her birthday. It’s too soon.”

  He released a frustrated sigh, and we continued to another store. It was rare I got to spend an entire afternoon alone with Drew, and when I did, I appreciated every second of it.

  We had a sister between us—Autumn, who was twenty-six—but she lived in San Diego and enjoyed the corporate life. We were used to only hearing from her during the holidays.

  Sometimes, it was like she didn’t even exist.

  In our time browsing the mall that Sunday afternoon, my brother became subdued. I thought he had Brianna on his mind, so I let him be pensive in peace.

  I was caught off-guard when he stopped in front of the food court and faced me, releasing a heavy sigh when he looked right at me. “Is there something going on between you and Boxer?”

  I blinked with surprise while herding the right words. “What? I don’t-I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I stammered.

  “Come on, sis, just tell me the truth,” he groaned. “I know chicks your age are really diggable to college guys, but seriously, I don’t care why or how or when. I just don’t want to be in the dark. You’re my sister, he’s my best friend…I can’t be in the middle of secrets like this.”

  He was visibly upset, so I pulled him to a table and made him sit. “Drew, first of all, ‘chicks my age?’ And second, there is nothing between Boxer and me. Third, why would you think there is?”

  He took his baseball cap off and ran a hand over his head before slamming the hat back on. “I don’t mean you’re old, just that you’re older. A lot of my friends like that. It’s just things he says, and I asked him about it this morning, and he got really pissed off.”

  “What do you mean, ‘things he says?’ What kinds of things?”

  Drew placed his forearms on the table. “I know he’s got a thing for you, and he’s a bit protective of you like I am, so it just makes me uncomfortable sometimes. Being lied to, I mean.”

  “No one is lying to you. I have never been around Boxer unless he’s with you, and I haven’t spoken to him any time outside of being around you. We get along, yes, but there’s nothing ‘going on’ between us. I promise you.”

  He chewed on his lip in thought. “Good.”

  I considered random thoughts until I chose one. “Why’s he called Boxer?”

  Drew shot me a funny look as if it were obvious. “Because his last name is Bachsman. B-a-c-h-s. Sounds the same.”

  Hmm, the things you learn. I still didn’t know his first name, but didn’t dare ask. Instead, I felt the moment required a major distraction. “Hey, how ‘bout some shitty mall food for old times’ sake, huh? I’ll buy.”

  Drew laughed while he eyed the food choices surrounding us. “Hell, why not? One Sunday won’t kill my training.”

  We both made our way to the gyros and then sat down at a table to eat. I’d just taken a huge bite when I heard, “Twice in one week, JoJo? This must be a special sort of Hell.”

  ~5~

  I couldn’t fucking believe it, and as I tried not to choke on a hunk of lamb—or something resembling it—half the dressing ran down my chin. Seriously, what were the odds that I’d run into him again?

  “Josh?” my brother inquired, standing with surprise. “Wow, good to see you, man.”

  They shook hands. My brother was shaking hands with the new Josh Cameron, and they even did the little half-hug thing that bros do.

  “You have beefed up, dude,” Drew observed.
“Looking good.”

  I wanted to die. My little brother used to adore Josh. He looked up to him so damn much, I was afraid there’d been too much idolatry going on back then. He actually cried when Josh and I broke up.

  “I can’t believe how tall you are,” Josh told him, examining Drew from head to toe. “You’re as tall as I am. Six-two?”

  “Yeah, and a half. What the hell have you been up to? It’s been, what, ten years or so?”

  I remained seated, not looking at either of them. But I could feel those cautious dark eyes settling on me. I continued to inhale my food. Didn’t even care if I looked like a rabid beast while doing so.

  “Oh, just living life, you know?” Josh replied dryly. “Learning from my mistakes and moving on.” If that was meant for me, I wasn’t even going to acknowledge it. I felt his attention shift back to my brother. “I heard you’re pitching for Berkeley. That right?”

  “Yeah, supposed to get more innings this year. Hoping to be a starter at some point.”

  I tuned them both out. Josh’s interest in my brother seemed quite genuine, but I could detect a bitter tone in his voice. Maybe he was faking his way through a conversation with Drew, but it probably had more to do with my presence.

  At last, they spoke parting words. My entire gyro was gone as well as most of my drink. I’d become an emotional eater from the second I’d heard Josh’s sexy voice.

  No. Stop. It wasn’t sexy. It was mopey and laced with sarcasm. He could take it far away from me, and I wouldn’t mind one bit.

  “Right, Jo? …Jolie?”

  I blinked myself back to Earth. “What?”

  My brother looked confused but shook his head. “Never mind.” He turned back to Josh, they bumped fists with final farewells, and off went my past again.

  The new version of my past. The jerkface version of my past.

  “What is wrong with you?” Drew asked as he sat down to eat his food. “If I’d known you guys hated each other now, I wouldn’t have done that.”

  I sucked on my straw until it obnoxiously produced air. “Done what?”

  “Invited him to Timeout with us this weekend.”

  ~

  I didn’t have to agonize over my brother bringing Josh with him that weekend because I knew I wouldn’t be working the later shift. But when Saturday morning arrived, it seemed like the universe was fighting against me.

  Two of our weekend wait staff were out sick, and Patrick asked me to return to dinner. I couldn’t refuse. I wanted the extra money and didn’t need to risk pissing off my boss. I couldn’t afford to lose my job.

  It was the oddest damn night, though. Not only did my brother bring Brianna, but Boxer was there, giving me all sorts of weird vibes. And if that wasn’t enough, that Sam guy was back with his same group of friends. They’d requested me specifically, so when Patrick obliged and sat them in my section, I had no choice but to provide service with a smile.

  Oh, and then Josh actually showed up, too. Can you believe that? How fabulous!

  “If this is your way of asking for your hours back, I’m slightly impressed, Jolie.”

  I stared at Patrick for a few seconds, because that’s how long it took for his words to register. “You think I had people come in here and specifically request me as their waitress?” I laughed sarcastically. “Believe me, that’s not my style.”

  He considered a reply but must have thought against it. I scolded my defensive tongue, though, reminding myself Patrick was my boss. He already seemed unimpressed with me, and giving him more reason to dislike me was setting me on thin ice.

  While delivering another round of beers to Sam’s table, I caught a portion of their conversation. Something about making another bet with the waitress, so my interest was piqued.

  “Who’s wanting to bet me, and what are we betting?” I asked playfully. Figured I might as well lighten the mood. I was getting the evil eye from Josh three tables over; I’d do anything I could to ignore him.

  “Well, first of all,” one of them said, “I’m Allen. This is Carter, James, and Sam.” He pointed to each in succession.

  “Nice to meet you all. Like this nifty nametag says, I’m Jo.”

  “Ha, yeah, speaking of that…” James carried a smirk that made me curious.

  “Speaking of what? My nametag?”

  “Your name. We, uh, kind of have bets on what it’s short for. Assuming it’s short for something else.”

  I’ll admit, I was amused. I liked the fact I’d chosen just “Jo” for my nametag instead of Jolie. It sure beat having drunk idiots fuck it up or say stupid things like calling me Jollies with the onslaught of presumable jokes to follow.

  “All right, guys, I’ll bite. What’s the bet?”

  They glanced at each other, and once again, it was Allen who spoke up. “Well, we don’t really know. That’s what we were discussing.”

  I was feeling a bit smug because I knew none of them would guess my name. It just wasn’t common enough. I’d been thrown the usual—Joanne, Josephine, Josie—quite a bit, but no one ever guessed my actual name.

  “Okay, well, how ‘bout this. You each get a guess. If one of you is right, then a round of drinks is on me. If no one guesses correctly, I’m just gonna go with that thirty percent gratuity again. Sound fair?”

  They silently confirmed with one another, and I got four heads nodding in agreement. James started first and said, “I’m gonna go with Joanna.”

  “Nope.”

  Carter took a turn. “Jody.”

  I shook my head but was grinning on the inside.

  Sam smiled at me. “Jos—”

  “Psst, Jolie, we need to talk.”

  Boxer was at my elbow, and as I waited for Sam’s answer, he finished with “Jolie” instead, with a big ass smile on his face as his friends laughed.

  I turned toward Boxer and hissed, “Thanks a lot.” So much for making a few easy extra bucks. “Sorry, guys, that’s gotta cancel out the bet.”

  They gave me a hard time, but were thankfully good sports about it.

  I headed for my next table, but Boxer decided to follow me. “Seriously, Jo, we need to talk.”

  “Can you see I’m working?”

  “You’re driving me crazy.”

  I stopped near the bar, hoping to God no one heard him. My nerves were tangled in knots, and I was silently asking myself why I deserved the drama in my life.

  We seemed to be in the clear without an audience, so I told him to meet me outside. I was thankful for the breather in the cool night air but wasn’t looking forward to whatever Boxer had to say.

  “You can’t do that to me while I’m working,” I warned once we were alone. “I’m stressed enough as it is with this job, and my boss pretty much hates me.”

  “I’m really sorry, it’s just…” He sighed, and for the first time, I could see how worried he was.

  “What’s going on, Boxer?”

  “You don’t have to call me that, okay? It’s just a stupid nickname.”

  “Well, I don’t even know what the fuck your first name is,” I argued.

  Maybe my language surprised him, but he hesitated and then smiled. “Well, fine, I guess. It’s actually, uh, it’s Julian.”

  I swear I didn’t mean to gape at him. Julian? His name was Julian? I had no response. I kinda loved the name Julian but was dazed by the new piece of information. I could only see him as Boxer.

  “I know, it’s totally weird,” he sighed.

  “No, it’s not. I’m just not used to it. Well, okay, Julian. What’s going on? And seriously, I don’t mean to be rude, but I have to get back to work. Talk fast.”

  “Fine. I know you probably have an issue with the whole age thing, and I do respect that, but I’m asking you to push it aside. You’re beautiful, and smart, and funny, and I think we’d get along.” He must have been able to tell I was getting antsy and blurted out, “Will you go out with me sometime?”

  All I could think about was my brother. He
lived and breathed baseball and was looking forward to an amazing season. I didn’t want anything to interfere with that. And the more I considered it that way, the more I realized how much I liked Boxer—eh, Julian—and was no longer thinking about his age as an excuse.

  My brother was my main concern.

  I grabbed a pen and scrap of a ticket from my apron and wrote my number down. “Call me when I’m not in the middle of a busy shift, okay? We’ll talk about this.”

  “Really?”

  I studied him carefully in the light from the building. “Really what?”

  “Really you’re not flat-out turning me down?”

  You should. You really, really should! “We need to discuss some things.”

  “But you’re at least interested?”

  I couldn’t help but smile. At the same time, I knew his boyish charm was also going to work against him. “Call me in a couple days.”

  Needing to get back to work, I left on that note. I was extremely grateful Anna had picked up the slack at my brother’s table by delivering their food, and even better, Patrick was nowhere to be seen. I’m sure to anyone who was paying attention, it looked suspicious that Boxer and I had disappeared at the same time. Drew seemed too caught up in superficial Brianna, and the rest of their group was busy grilling Josh about his college football days.

  His college football days. I’d forgotten about his scholarship to USC. It triggered memories of fall when I used to spend Friday nights at the stadium to watch him play. I remembered the first time he jogged past me as I arrived at a game, and he said, “Hey, Jolie.” His smile was friendly and contagious, and I felt like he’d been excited to see me there. When we started dating a few months later, he admitted he’d looked for me in the crowd at every game.

  Those were such simple times.

  Corey was asking Josh about preseason workouts when Josh eyed Boxer’s return to the table and then observed while I refilled water. I could feel his disapproval boring into me, and it made me want immaturity to take over so I could flip him off.